The Start

This is a story of becoming less restless. It is a story of finding roots. It is a story of simultaneously letting the body untangle. It is untangling the mind and body at the same time. It is the unexpected loss thrown into the already complex process. It is about this loss making it all happen. Harder and easier and necessary. It is about the very things that made it difficult to settle coming to a head. It is about realizing what these things are. About being somewhere long enough to be vulnerable. About living a life constantly marked by change. It is about relationships, primarily with men. It is about being challenged to be honest to see my own weakness. It’s about a dog. It is about pushing the restart button. A do over. It’s about coping by being easy with myself—sleeping later, being present, accomplishing less in one day and learning what that feels like. It’s about letting go and no longer holding in my breath. It’s about retraining my muscles and my thoughts. It is about the people I need entering my life when I needed them. It’s about this city. About feeling cocooned. Leaping out and then wanting shelter, wanting boundaries. Not wanting to fly too far. Not yet. It’s about a year in which I rearranged myself. This year.